It's Always the Rain
by Karen Rhine
Summary: With the coming of a storm that lasts for weeks, feelings Hakkai wasn't sure he had surface.  This brings about an inner turmoil, and Hakkai must choose how to deal with these feelings, and whether to express them.  Sanzo x Hakkai
1. Realization

_Time stopped. He was so cold...but his hands... The crimson warmth was sliding between his fingers, down his wrists, falling to the floor. His faster, his __**father**__ basically, was sprawled on the floor, the same crimson warmth flowing freely from his still body._

_Kouryuu fell to his kness, eyes wide, body shaking._

_"Master Sanzo!!" he screamed in agony, tears falling freely, quickly mixing with the dark blood on his hands._

Sanzo bolted up in bed, sweating, panting. Behind him, the drone of the rain was practically deafening. Loosening his grip on the bedsheets, he glanced out the window, holding back an uncharacteristic whimper. The smallest shuffle made his body go rigid, and in an automatic reaction, he reached for his banishing gun on the windowsil.

"It's just me, calm down," came a soft, almost heavenly voice. Calming some, Sanco turned, seeing Hakkai standing in the doorway. "Can you not sleep either?"

"No..." he sighed. "It must be the rain."

"Yes, I'm sure it is." Hakkai made his way to Sanzo's bed, sitting on the very edge, next to the priest. "We're both never too keen on rainy weather, huh?"

Sanzo shook his head and sighed, turning to look back out the window. It was odd how Hakkai's presence always calmed him, even under such circumstances. It had always been that way. As confused as it made him, he couldn't deny that he was grateful.

But why? What was it about him that was so different than the monkey and the water sprite - apart from the obvious.

"Sanzo, did you hear me?" Hakkai asked, pulling him away from his thoughts.

"Sorry," he muttered, turning back to face him again. "What did you say?"

"I was asking if you wanted coffee or anything."

He shook his head. "No, I'm fine."

They sat in silence for a moment, Sanzo lighting up a cigarette. Hakkai glanced down, looking at the palms of his hands, thinking. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if wanting to say something, but unable to get it out. The priest noticed, but decided to say nothing.

"S-sanzo?" he finally got out, his voice soft.

"Hmm?" came the reply, Sanzo raising his eyebrows.

"There's...there's something I've been wanting to tell-"

He wasn't able to say anything more, because Sanzo's door burst open, Goku tumbling in angrily.

"Sanzo!! This bastard won't let me sleep!" he complained loudly, pointing an accusing finger at Gojyo, who had his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Well, he keeps snoring!" the half-demon growled. "So I need to do something to amuse myself!"

"By drawing on my feet?!"

"It was the closest thing!"

"I can't believe I got stuck rooming with you AGAIN!"

"Will both of you just shut up?!" Sanzo screamed, shooting a bullet between their heads. "I'm sick of this, day after day after day! If you don't stop fighting for five minutes I'll kill both of you! Now GO TO SLEEP!!"

Grumbling, the two shuffled out before they got shot at again. Hakkai sighed and shook his head. Sanzo's eye twitched.

"Anyway," he said, putting down his gun. "What were you saying?"

"It's...nothing," he said quickly, standing up. "I'll let you get back to sleep."

He got up and left the room before Sanzo could say anything, leaving the blonde quite confused.

"Stupid..." Hakkai muttered to himself as he walked back to his room. "I'm so stupid..."

He walked into his room, slamming the door shut behind him. He stared at his hands before walking over and falling onto his bed.

"With her blood on my hands, I can never love again, huh?" he muttered to himself, closing his eyes. "I'm so pathetic I amaze myself."

He opened hiseyes again and stared out at the rain. It was always raining these days. The more it rained, the more he thought about things. The more he wanted to brood.

But the worst part? The more he found himself falling in love with Sanzo. And that was just no good. He couldn't do that, not to himself, not to Sanzo, not to the mission. After all, the last time he'd fallen in love...she had killed herself right in front of him. Not to mention that Sanzo's last close relationship had ended in bloodshed as well.

He was falling deep in love with Sanzo. Could he tell him?


	2. Inner Struggle

"I'm so hungry!" Goku whined, flopping over in the backseat of the Jeep. "Why'd we have to leave in the middle of breakfast?"

"It wasn't in the middle, you stupid monkey," Gojyo retorted. "We were done. It's not our fault you can't stop eating."

"But I wasn't even halfway finished!"

"You ate 5 times more than the rest of us!!!"

The two were unable to finish their argument, because what had been smooth travelling for a few hours came to a halt in a second. Blinking, they glanced up at Hakkai, who had slammed on the breaks.

"Okay you two. I'm sick of it. If you won't shut the hell up I'm kicking you both out. You can walk back to town and Sanzo and I will finish the damn mission in peace!" Hakkai's grip on the steering wheel was so tight, his knuckles had turned white, and his shoulders had the slightest shake to them.

They all stared. Even Sanzo, who hadn't had the chance to pull his gun out on the two in the back. The shock was plastered so plainly on the monk's face that his half-finished cigarette fell out of his mouth and onto his lap, causing him to jump slightly at the sudden heat.

"Hakkai?" he asked softly, brushing the cigarette and ashes off his robes. Green eyes looked up at the question. "What's...wrong?"

"I don't understand what you mean," he answered. "It's obviously those two fighting again, and it's driving me insane."

"Yeah, but...I'm always the one to blow up, and you just keep smiling." He leaned in towards his companion some, looking very serious, and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Is there something else bothering you?"

The question brought out an interesting reaction. Hakkai's face softened greatly, and his cheeks became bright red. He shook his head quickly, hoping the motion would distract Sanzo from the fact that he had immediately begun blushing.

"N-nothing at all," he stammered, loosening his grip on the wheel and starting to drive again. "Just...tired."

The healer then said nothing more, focusing on what was in front of them so intently that he seemed to forget everyone else was there. It was just him and his thoughts, which was almost worse than Goku and Gojyo fighting - though they had both become eerily silent.

Even though he had been harboring these feelings towards Sanzo for quite a while, recently they had become more and more intense. It was all he thought about, when his brain allowed him to have thoughts (because of course when they were fighting demons he wouldn't think about anything but victory for the group).

It _had_ to be the rain. As childish as it seemed to blame feelings on weather, it made sense. With the coming of the rain came horribly intense feelings; feelings he could no longer ignore. Part of him wanted to pull Sanzo aside, confess everything, and wait for the harsh turndown. The part of him that Cho Gonou still lingered in, however, held him back. No matter how long ago it had been, the whole ordeal with Kanan still hung over him. It was to the point where he was afraid it would never go away.

He had loved her with everything he was. It didn't matter that she was his older sister. They were deep in love. Hakkai, at that time, couldn't see himself with anyone else. He had been more than ready to spend the rest of his life with her, embracing every new day with happily open arms.

Yet, in the end, he wasn't able to save her. He destroyed the lives of a thousand demons to rescue her, and she still died. And he had sat there, utterly helpless to save her. He had let her down, and she was ripped out of his life for eternity. Could he risk his heart like that again? He was sure that if something of that manner were to happen again, he would break. If Sanzo was torn from him like Kanan was, he knew he would go over the edge, no matter what Goku and Gojyo did.

Hours flew by like minutes, and before Hakkai knew it, the sun was setting. He glanced over a Sanzo, who was studying the sea of trees that were coming upon them.

"We should find shelter in those woods," he muttered, raindrops beginning to fall on his forhead, "Before we get drenched."

Hakkai nodded, hoping that no one had tried talking to him before now, and turned the Jeep, heading for the trees. They luckily made it under the cover of the thickly-woven leaves before the sprinkle turned into a downpour. He drove a little deeper into the forest and luckily came upon a deep cave. Soon they were dry and surrounded by the warmth of a nice fire that Gojyo clumsily got started...after burning his hair and face.

"Sanzo," Goku whined. "I'm hungry. I need food. Food! Pretty pretty please gimme some meat buns!"

"For the last time, no!" Sanzo replied, yanking out his fan and whacking Goku on the head, who began to complain even louder.

Hakuryu flew across the cave and over to where Hakkai was laying with his back facing the flames, keeping a slight distance from the other three. Hakkai smiled some when his dragon landed in front of him and rubbed under his chin gently, though his smile faded just as fast as it had appeared. Hakuryu looked up at his master and chirped in concern.

"Hey there..." he whispered. "You know what's wrong, don't you? It seems like you always have."

He set his hand on the ground and just watched as Hakuryu scratched behind his ear and curled up in a ball next to him. The smell of rain and must was all throughout the cave, which was now mixed with campfire smoke, cigarettes, and alcohol. Yet, even with all those different smells in the air, the smell of rain always seemed to push through the rest. He hated the rain. It always made him an emotional wreck. He had always figured it to be ironic that such a common and natural thing brought back the most painful of memories...

"Hey Hak-"

"Shut up, stupid monkey!"

"OW!"

Hakkai smiled again briefly without turning around. So, Sanzo knew there was something wrong. Of course, it wasn't like he'd made an attempt to hide his internal struggle, not this time. The longer it rained, the more difficult it seemed to be for him to keep smiling. It was the same for Sanzo, too, with the rain. Of course he would know that he was bothered. But would the monk approach him, or leave him be? Hakkai secretly prayed for the latter. If Sanzo were to come to him now, of all times, he doubted he could hold his thoughts in any longer.

Luckily, that fear never came true. Not much longer, Gojyo made a spectacle of how tired he was, and the party decided to turn in for the evening. Hakkai closed his eyes and began to drift, hoping he would succeed in falling asleep.


	3. Confrontation

The night had been long. Too long for Hakkai's taste. Even after the others were long asleep, he was awake, and alone with his thoughts. It felt like he would explode if it all went on much longer. Sighing, he sat up and glanced around the dimly-lit cave.

The way Goku slept had always reminded him of the children at his old orphanage. Limbs sprawled out, sheets everywhere, and snoring loudly. There was a time where he would scowl, highly annoyed with such acts. But these days, he couldn't help but smile. Taking into account what happened in Shangra-la these day, seeing that serenity gave the healer hope.

Gojyo's sleeping habits were very alike, but at the same time, entirely different. If it wasn't already obvious enough when he was awake, it became even more obvious as he slept that he often enjoyed a woman's company in his bed. He frequently switched back and fourth from being sprawled out like Goku to hugging his pillow quite intimately - something that had always greatly amused Hakkai. He'd always tease the water sprite, saying it would only be a matter of time before he was making out with the thing.

Then, his thoughtful gaze shifted over to Sanzo, and his heart leaped in his throat. The way he just leaned against the wall of the cave, arms crossed, face fixed in the half-frown he almost always seemed to wear, was breathtaking. He always thought Sanzo looked somewhat like an angel when he slept (though he would never tell him that). It was one of the countless things he adored about Sanzo...

Abrutly, he stood, jolting his mind out of those thoughts, his sheets flying off him. They definitely were not helping his situation. Figuring some fresh air would do him some good, he maneuvered himself around the sleeping bodies and stepped out into the night. He inhaled deeply, immediately feeling more relaxed. As much as he despised he rain, he so enjoyed the scent that filled the air afterwards. Yet, even though the atmosphere relaxed him, it couldn't purge the throubling thoughts from his mind. He didn't know how much longer he could take it. Part of him wondered if they would cease, if even for only a little bit, if he just talked to Sanzo about it.

The thought made him laugh to himself. Even if he could tell him, how in the world coud he begin that conversation? He definitely couldn't just waltz over to him and spill his guts. He just couldn't make himself do that. He honestly didn't think he'd be able to do anything, which he hated.

He walked a little, making sure not to stray from the sight of the mouth of the cave. They'd had bad experiences about getting seperated in a dense forest. Hakkai might be distracted by his thoughts, but he wasn't stupid. Getting lost would be the worst thing to do, not matter what was on his mind.

Before long, he came across a cliff, and decided that would be a good place to just sit. Sighing, he plopped down on the cool grass, letting his feet hang off the edge, and stared off into the distance. Inhaling deeply again, he closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind - a meditation exercise Kanan had taught him so long ago. It worked, but only for a brief moment. His meditating brought up many old memories of the woman he loved, both good and bad. Then, upon opening his eyes, his thoughts once again shifted to Sanzo. Cursing loudly, he balled a hand up into a fist and punched the soft ground as hard as he could. A fraction of a second went by before the pain shot up his arm, causing him to wince.

"Way to go, Hakkai..." he muttered to himself, shaking his hand slightly to try and make the pain go away quicker.

"Okay, after seeing that little display, you have to spill." Hakkai froze as the oh so familiar voice crept up behind him. Then, Sanzo came into his view, gracefully sitting down next to him. Every nerve in Hakkai's body practically screamed for him to leap off the cliff. But, keeping calm, he ignored that foolish instinct, and instead looked over at the...beautiful man sitting next to him.

"I'm not quite sure what you mean, Sanzo," he replied, attempting to mask what had been overwhelming him only moments ago.

"Hakkai..." The priest sighed and closed his eyes momentarily. "Please tell me what's been bothering you, friend. I know better than most that the rain gets to you, but even so, you always stay yourself. The past week or two, though, you've been in a more sour mood than even me at times. I know _something_ is getting to you, and I've really begun to worry about you."

Hakkai blinked. Sanzo wasn't usually this...forward. As if sensing this train of thought, Sanzo hurridly added, "I mean, if you keep being this distracted, you're going to slow us down."

That was the Sanzo Hakkai knew. He never took insult to these words, though. The blunt or harsh words the man uttered still showed that he cared. After all, if he truly didn't care, he wouldn't even bother in the first place. Sanzo just had a hard time displaying affection. Hakkai had always wondered if that had to do with what had happened to him in earlier days that occurred on a rainy night.

He sighed. These thoughts were only delaying the inevitable. There was no way he couldn't tell Sanzo, not in this situation. Maybe it was best this way. After all, one tremendous plus was that the other two were deep asleep and Hakkai wouldn't have to run the risk of one of them overhearing. Perhaps it was best this way. He looked out over the cliffs, too afraid to meet Sanzo's eyes as he began to explain completely.

"After I failed Kanan and had to watch her die right before my eyes, all my efforts to save her not enough, I knew I could never love again. No matter how many times I washed my hands free of dirt, her blood just would not go away. How could I even deserve the joy of love after what had happened? I had accepted that as part of my punishment and pushed the thoughts as far away as I could." He hesitated, afraid to continue, but Sanzo sat silently, taking in every word. For some reason, that reassured him, and he found the courage to continue.

"Every time it would rain, I would think of that night. Even now, years after the fact, I was still haunted by the horrible memory. I know you know exactly what I mean, and exactly what it's like, so I know I don't need to go into depth with you about it.

"Then, it wouldn't go away. The rain wasn't letting up. It went on for, what, three weeks straight? And no matter where we went, we weren't truly sheltered from it. I wasn't truly sheltered from my thoughts. They began to well up. Emotions I was unaware of uncovered themselves. Others I thought were long gone came back in the blink of an eye. They began to overwhelm me, and every time I was left alone, I thought.

"I thought about everything, everyone, and it wouldn't stop. The worst part, though, was that I began to realize some things. Feelings I swore I'd never have again were coming back, and they were coming hard. I found myself falling in love with somone, even though I had sworn I'd never do such a thing again."

His heart was racing. It was coming to the most critical part of the conversation, and he felt himself shaking. Of course he was shaking. He was scared. Scared to admit these feelings, to himself or to the man they were about. Even more than that, though, he was scared of what was going to happen once he spoke these feelings. He was scared of how Sanzo would react.

"Sanzo, what I'm trying to say is that recently I've found myself falling in love again." He was finally getting to his point, and he was getting even more nervous. Sanzo was listening quietly, being sure not to interrupt. "It's been putting me into an emotional wreck. I mean, the fact that I'm falling in love again, with all that's happened, is enough on its own. Then there's our mission. I can't let personal feelings get in the way, but the more I bottle them up, the worse it gets."

He took a deep, shakey breath. He was getting a bit horrified - he wouldn't be able to dance around it much longer. Lying wasn't going to be an option either. Sanzo knew bullshit from a mile away. What else was there to do?

The silence went on for a moment before Sanzo finally broke it.

"Loving someone should not have to cause you such pain. Regardless os what's happened in the past, you shouldn't let it do this to you. Set aside thoughts of your past, set aside thoughts of the mission, and do what you must." Slowly, he stood. "Don't let yourself get so torn up over it."

Hakkai closed his eyes as Sanzo began to walk off. He was right. He had to tell him.

"It's you, Sanzo." The footprints stopped. "I'm in love with you."

Sanzo turned and looked back at Hakkai, whose body was shaking slightly. For the first time in what seemed like forever, the priest had been rendered speechless. Hakkai was in love with him? Sure, the two had always had an obvious closeness, but Sanzo never figured anyone could love him, let alone Hakkai.

"Me?" he finally whispered, eyes locked on the back of Hakkai's head.

"Yes...you."

Hakkai was too terrified to turn around. He was afraid to se whatever expression Sanzo had. The silent reaction didn't help much. Was he shocked at the confessions? He'd never been able to read Sanzo's emotions, and he wished now more than ever that he could.

Sanzo didn't know what to say. He'd never really evaluated how he felt about Hakkai. Sure, he was fond of him, but love? He just didn't know. He had to say something, though. He couldn't leave the other hanging. Taking a deep breath, he thought about how to place his words.

"Being totally honest, I'm not sure how I feel about you," he said, trying to make sure his words didn't come out the wrong way. The last thing he wanted to do was unintentionally hurt the other. "I really haven't had the chance to think about anything besides our task at hand."

Hakkai held back a sigh. He felt his heart sink, but he wasn't sure why. He didn't know what he had expected, but it obviously wasn't that. Sanzo seemed to sense that.

"Look, I'm not rejecting you or anything like that. I'm just saying I don't know. But now that I know how you feel, give me some time and let me think things over. I dont want to leave you hanging. Just...be yourself again, okay? Everything will be fine. No matter what happens now, it will never change the way you are. It will never change how you act, or what you do. So hang in there, and let me think, okay?"

Hakkai nodded. Part of him was surprised that he felt this much better, even though he didn't get a definite answer from Sanzo on the topic. Though, the fact that he wasn't shot down the moment he spoke the words was a good sign.

_Don't start getting your hopes up, though,_ he thought to himself. _That would be the dumbest thing to do right now._

"Let's go back to the cave and get some sleep, okay?" Sanzo suggested. Hakkai nodded again, standing, and turning to face the other.

"Yeah, okay."

Hakkai was asleep before his head hit the pillow. That night he slept better than he ever had.


	4. Results

It was odd how things quickly got back to normal once Hakkai had just told Sanzo the truth. He began sleeping better more often, and he didn't seem as depressed or irritable. That didn't mean his mind still didn't wander, or that he slipped into his thoughts - and most of those thoughts still negative. Sanzo hadn't said a word about their conversation since they'd had it. Hakkai was beginning to give up, beginning to believe that the preist had no feelings for him other than a travelling companion, and that he just hadn't figured out a way to break the news to him yet.

Little did he know, that he was dead wrong. Sanzo had been having an inner struggle with himself. He'd always felt himself drawn towards the healer in ways he didn't fully understand. Seeing him smile, or just seeing him in general, made him feel things he hadn't felt since Koumyou Sanzo had been alive.

When the two of them had their conversation on the cliffside, Sanzo had - surprisingly - not been that surprised...if that made any sense. He'd wondered for some time now if he'd been the source of Hakkai's inner turmoil, and in a way, he had. At the same time, though, he had been taken a it aback, which is what caused the reaction he'd had. When he really thought about it, though, he greatly cared for the other man.

At first, it had been sympathy. Seeing what Hakkai had been going through when he was ordered to arrest him, how could he have felt anything else? Of course, he hadn't let anyone see it. Then, once they had begun their journey, had gotten to know each other, he developed a deep frienship with the healer. A deeper friendship than with anyone else in his life. He trusted Hakkai, enjoyed his company, was glad he was there with him. These feelings were extremely strong, which had seemed a bit odd when he really thought about it, but he shrugged away his doubt.

The conversation had confirmed it, though. He had deeper feelings for Hakkai than friendship. He just didn't know how to tell him, or when. They hadn't gotten another chance alone since that night. He had to act soon, though, because who knows what conclusions Hakkai had come up with.

"When are we gonna get t the next town...?" Goku asked weakly, tired and hungry as usual.

"Seriously...we're out of beer," Gojyo chimed in, slumping down in his seat in the back of the jeep. They both looked forward to Hakkai, who hadn't heard them or something, because he had yet to answer. Gojyo twitched and hit the driver in the back of the head with his foot. Whatever trance Hakkai had been under, that had broken it. "Hey, wake up Hakkai! We asked you a question!"

"Huh...? I'm sory guys, I was thinking about something else..." he replied wearily. Sanzo felt a twingle of guilt. The other was apparently already drawing conclusions.

"We saaaaaid, when is the next town?" Goku repeated, copying Gojyo and slumping down.

"In a few hours, I promise. We'll be there before you know it," Hakkai replied. Hakuryu chirped in agreement. Silence hung over the group again. Sanzo looked over at Hakkai.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, the words holding a deeper meaning that he knew Hakkai would get, but the other two would not. Hakkai's eyes shifted to glance at him, before he nodded a bit, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Yeah...just thinking. Wondering."

Sanzo looked ahead and sighed.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered, low enough where the other two definitely would not hear him. "We just...haven't had any chance to talk, you know?"

Hakkai nodded, not replying.

"Listen, I can tell what you're thinking. I know we haven't been able to talk, but as soon as we get to the next town, we will, okay?"

Hakkai nodded again. "Okay Sanzo."

The rest of the drive went in silence - both Goku and Gojyo had fallen asleep in the back, and the other two were left to their thoughts; which were - incidentally enough - about each other.

Once they got into town, they went about the usual: finding a hotel, checking in, splitting up to do various things, like taking in sights of the town and shopping for supplies. Sanzo stayed behind at the hotel, like usual, and waited for Hakkai to get back.

As soon as he did, Sanzo called him up to his room. A soft knock on the door signaled that he was ready to talk, and Sanzo sighed deeply.

"Come in," he called. The door opened, and Hakkai stepped in, shutting it behind him. Sanzo waved a hand at him.

"Lock it."

Hakkai nodded and did so, before grabbing a chair and making his way across the room. He sat down and looked at Sanzo evenly.

"So..."

"I've been thinking about what you said," Sanzo said. "And I've been thinking about how it made me feel, and how I've felt apart from it. I'm sure by now you're wondering if I have feelings, or have just been putting off letting you down."  
"Dead on..." Hakkai muttered.

"Well, for that I must apoligize. It's just that with those two, we haven't had a solid chance to talk since then. In a way, though, this is good."

Hakkai gazed at him questioningly.

"Let me explain. With the lack of time for us to talk, it gave me the chance to really dig in deep and figure out my feelings to their full extent before coming before you with my answer, which is a good thing. This means that now I am able to give you a solid answer, not something I'd be wondering if I should go back on later. I don't want to play games with you - that's why I've thought this through as best I could."

He paused to draw on his cigarette and think about how to word his next thought.

"I've always fel very close to you. I care about you quite a lot. I always considered you a very close friend, though I realize it could be more than that. I'm getting feelings I haven't felt since Koumyou...I think I might be in love with you."

Hakkai's eyes seemed to light up, both in surprise and happy. He couldn't move. After what felt like an eternity, he got up and slowly walked over to where Sanzo was sitting, tears of relief brimming his eyes. Sanzo put down his cigarette and turned some, pulling Hakkai into a hug when he sat down next to him. Hakkai sank willingly into the hug, leaning against Sanzo's body, closing his eyes. He wanted to freeze time.

"Sanzo..." he whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Can we stay like this forever?"

"I don't know about forever, we have a mission to carry out, after all. But you don't have to go anywhere for a while, how's that sound?"  
Hakkai smiled, beginning to fall asleep.

"Okay..." he muttered, falling completely asleep.


	5. Intimacy

Disclaimer - I do not own Saiyuki. I know I haven't put this up until now, but still, it should be obvious.

This chapter is a little steamy, so be forewarned. It's not detailed because I don't want to risk getting kicked off or anything, but I push the bar as far as I can, hehe. ;)

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The months that followed were some of the best Hakkai had ever had. Sure, on the surface, nothing had changed. Every continued to act as they always had, their mission never changing, the demons always coming.

Underneath, though, Hakkai was blissfully in love. He and Sanzo had officially gotten involved with one another, the other two still unaware. In the past few months Sanzo had opened up a side that Hakkai had never seen before. When they were alone together they would joke, laugh, flirt, and be intimate together. At times, Sanzo seemed so lighthearted, and Hakkai never knew he had it in him.

It wasn't all cake and flowers, of course. Sometimes Sanzo would be Sanzo - sitting on the windowsill, smoking cigarettes and staring out at the sky, ignoring Hakkai completely. The healer usually just sat on the bed, or went ahead and fell asleep when this happened. It had hurt a little at first, these moods of his, but that feeling died quickly. After all, that's the way he had _always _been before. It wasn't anything Hakkai should be taking offense to now.

The rain still bothered the two of them greatly. That's something Hakkai knew would never change. He thought about this briefly as he watching the rain pour down, a solemn look residing on his face. Near him, Sanzo was lighting his third cigarette of the night, his expression not so different. Though they had each other, their pasts still haunted them, especially when it rained.

Not averting his gaze, Hakkai leaned over, placing his head on Sanzo's shoulder. Sanzo put his free arm around his waist, pulling him closer. He sighed softly, but said nothing. They sat like that, in silence, for quiet some time, before Hakkai broke the silence by requesting something that had been on his mind all night.

"Sanzo?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Hmm?" came the monk's reply as he threw the butt of the cigarette in his ash tray.

"Would you make love to me?" Part of him couldn't believe he actually asked it, and he felt heat rise to his cheeks. He was blushing.

He didn't get a response at first. He knew Sanzo must be turning the words over in his mind like he had done not two minutes before. Even still, the stillness seemed to last forever. Hakkai's heart was practically racing as he was worried he would be turned down. It seemed like a silly worry at this point, but he still worried.

Sanzo did not give his answer in words. Instead, he turned to face the healer and looked into his eyes for a long moment, before kissing him sweetly. Hakkai leaned in closer, wrapping his arms around Sanzo's neck. Sanzo ran a hand through his brown hair, and without breaking the kiss, stood up and guided the two of them over to the bed, somehow sliding the top of his robes off in the process.

In a tedious process of touches and kisses, the two of them had soon removed all articles of clothing, and Hakkai gazed up at Sanzo's lovely form. A grin played on Sanzo's lips as he pushed the other down onto the bed and getting over him, kissing him passionately now. Panting, Hakkai broke the kiss and looked up at the other, his eyes pleading.

"Be gentle," he asked breathlessly. Sanzo nodded and started kissing him again. His kisses made their way from his lips to his collar bone - Hakkai's recently-discovered weakness, causing a soft moan to escape him. Closing his eyes, he pressed his body up against Sanzo's, nervous but ready. He couldn't be more ready to become Sanzo's lover than he was in that moment.

--------------

When he awoke the next morning, Hakkai felt different. He smiled, it was an amazing feeling. Glancing sideways, he saw Sanzo sleeping peacefully next to him, the monk's arm draped around Hakkai's waist. They were both naked. He gazed at Sanzo quietly, taking in the peaceful expression.

He was feeling a bit sore, as to be expected. He'd never made love with another man before. It was bound to be at least a bit painful. The pain didn't matter, though. Not with all the pleasure and happiness that he experienced.

Slowly, he rolled onto his side so that he was facing his lover, and kissed his forehead right where the crimson chakra lay. Violet eyes fluttered open and looked into green.

"Morning," Hakkai whispered. Sanzo smiled and snuggled closer.

"Mmph," came his reply. Hakkai chuckled. Sanzo always spoke in grunts when he first woke up. He didn't really dwell on that thought much, though, since the snuggling had caused...something else to rub together. The healer suddenly became flushed as the heat rised slowly from the pit of his stomach. Sanzo looked up at him, his eyes telling him that he was having the same reaction. Leaning in, Hakkai kissed Sanzo passionately, moving closer to him on the bed. Sanzo slid his hand from his back and down his waist, continuing to go down even further...

"SANZO!" came an angry shout from outside the door. Hakkai jumped, trying not to curse. Sighing, Sanzo sat up, quite aggrivated that they had been interrupted.

"What the hell do you want you stupid monkey?!" he shouted back. Hakkai frowned. Goku had the worst timing.

"Let's GO already! I can't take being confined to an inn with that pervy water sprite anymore!" Goku complained. Growling, Sanzo got up and snatched his robe off the desk chair and pulled it on so he wasn't naked. Hakkai sighed and slunk back under the covers, burying his face in Sanzo's pillow. He heard Sanzo open the door and hit Goku with his fan.

"We will go when ALL of us are ready to go! Now shut the hell up, stop being stupid and go eat breakfast or something!"

Hakkai grinned. Sanzo knew just what to say.

"Breakfast?! YES!" Goku cheered. He heard footsteps start to get softer. "Should I go wake up Hakkai?"

"Just go eat. Hakkai will be up soon, I'm sure."

The door was shut again. Hakkai peered out from the covers, watching Sanzo slide the robe off of him and letting it fall to the floor. He bit his lip, unable to pull his gaze away from the other's slender figure. Sanzo walked back over to the bed and slid back under the covers, wrapping his arms around Hakkai's waist and pulling him close.

"Damn monkey," he muttered, and despite his frustration at Goku as well, Hakkai chuckled.

"I know," he whispered. "But you know..."

He smirked, and Sanzo seemed to understand what he was hinting at.

"Unfortunately, with those two up now, we probably should get ready to move out," he sighed. Hakkai felt disappointed, but Sanzo was right.

Hakkai sat up, and Sanzo followed suit. Grinning, Hakkai turned to face the other, hopping onto his lap. Sanzo gasped unexpectedly at the action, and moaned softly when Hakkai pushed himself against him.

"Also unfortunately, I don't take no for an answer that often," he whispered seductively into Sanzo's ear, slowly rocking back and fourth the whole time. A low growl escaped Sanzo and the flipped them, tossing Hakkai back on the bed. He then kissed him roughly, hands sliding down Hakkai's delicate frame. Hakkai grinned into the kiss. Sure, it wouldn't be as delicate as last night, but it would be just as passionate.

Enough to get them through to the next inn, hopefully. And at the moment, that's what Hakkai was yearning for.


End file.
